When Moderation Doesn’t Work: What My Clients Do Next

Including the Powerful Visualization Exercise I Use That Often Changes Everything

There’s a quiet pattern I’ve noticed in my years as a sobriety coach, one I didn’t expect.

It starts when a woman reaches out. She’s not always sure what she wants; maybe she’s curious, maybe hopeful, perhaps just exhausted. Something has stirred in her heart. She’s starting to wonder if alcohol is taking more than it’s giving.

Sometimes she joins a 40-Day Fast. Sometimes she signs up for 1:1 coaching. Sometimes she decides it’s not the right time.

For the gals who decide it’s not the right time. She almost always comes back. Six months later. Two years later. I’ll see her name pop into my inbox again. Because that desire for freedom is still there.

And when they do step into coaching, they usually fall into one of two categories:

1. They find freedom from alcohol.

2. They take a break and then try to moderate afterwards.

Here’s the fascinating part: almost every woman who tries moderation eventually reaches back out for more support. To do another fast. To dive deeper. To try again.

Here’s what I rarely—if ever—see:
A woman who takes a break from drinking goes back to “just one or two” and rides off into the sunset sipping wine while riding a unicorn.

If you’re clinging to moderation as the goal, I get it.
That may feel like a gut punch.
I thought the same once.

If the idea of never having a drink again fills you with sorrow, dread, or FOMO, please know this: you’re not alone. But moderation often reinforces two beliefs:

1. Alcohol is needed.

2. Alcohol is special.

And neither of those is true. If you don’t believe me right this very second, then that’s okay. I wouldn’t have believed it myself when I was stuck.

The World’s Standards vs. God’s Best

This morning, I was reading the book of Ezekiel, trying to keep up with the Bible Recap, and this verse stopped me in my tracks:

“And you will know that I am the Lord. For you have refused to obey my decrees and regulations; instead, you have copied the standards of the nations around you.”
— Ezekiel 11:12

It immediately reminded me of Romans 12:2:

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”

Moderation often feels like conforming to culture.
Like “copying the standards of the nations around you.”

Let me be clear: drinking alcohol in and of itself is not a sin.
(We actually recorded a great podcast episode on that—I’ll link it here.)

But here’s what I’ve consistently seen over the years:

When a woman is a Jesus-follower, she almost always knows in her spirit if God has asked her to lay it down. (Even if it’s just for a period of time).

Do I believe God can heal a woman’s relationship with alcohol in a single fast, and she could then enjoy “exactly two white wine spritzers a week” (an actual prayer of one of my sweet clients)? Sure. God can do anything.

I just haven’t seen that scenario play out. And here’s why….

When God Asks You to Surrender

If God has asked you to put something down, it’s because He has something better.

But as long as alcohol stays on a pedestal, as long as it remains the shiny object you hope to keep in your life, you may never fully receive what’s waiting on the other side.

Because here's the truth:
When you loosen your grip on alcohol, the Holy Spirit can loosen alcohol’s grip on you.
And in its place? He brings His love, His joy, His comfort.

Why keep turning to a fleeting, false comfort (alcohol) when true comfort (Jesus) is available?

“Praise be to the God… who comforts us in all our troubles…”
— 2 Corinthians 1:3–5

A Coaching Exercise to Meet Your Future Self

As I reflected on these brave women, the ones who keep showing up, keep circling back, and keep trying again, I felt led to share one of the most powerful tools I use in coaching.

If you’ve found yourself on this road more than once, wondering if change is really possible for you, this simple yet transformative exercise is for you.

Take your time. Go slow. Be honest. No shame.

✨ Close your eyes. Take a deep breath.

Inhale for 4… hold…
Exhale for 8.

🗓️ January 2026 – Six Months From Now

You wake up.
Same bed. Same habits.
You’re still turning to alcohol when you’re overwhelmed, anxious, or fill-in-the-blank.
You feel a bit stuck.